One of These Things is Not Like the Other...

Scioto Downs Racetrack
Donerick's Pub
St. Christopher's Catholic Church
Frisch's Big Boy
Sawmill Lanes Bowling Alley

If you answered Donerick's Pub in Dublin, Ohio, you would be right.

All of these other public establishments were impacted by Columbus's Smoking Ban, which went into effect at midnight last night. The ban forbids smoking in all public buildings: bars, restaurants, bowling alleys, and churches alike.

This is just another example of a law designed to protect us from ourselves. I hear all the proponents talk about the dangers of secondhand smoke. How they have a right to a smoke free environment. How public establishments actually do better financially when they are smoke free.

I say, then let the market decide. If a smoke free establishment does better, let someone start one up and put the smoke filled ones out of business. If someone is doesn't want to be exposed to second hand smoke, just don't frequent places that welcome smokers. It's that easy.

My wife is eight months pregnant. We don't need a law to protect us. We just don't go to places that have a lot of smokers. It's pretty simple.

And just in case you were curious, it's the Bingo players who were complaining at St. Christopher's.

Oh, and another thing, I don't smoke.

Coleman to Run for Ohio Governor

The Akron Beacon Journal is reporting that Columbus Mayor Michael Coleman will announce his intention to seek the Democratic nomination for the Ohio govenor's race in 2006.

Coleman, the popular mayor of Ohio's largest city since 1999, ran statewide in 1998 as Lee Fisher's lieutenant-governor running mate. The Democrats lost to Republican Bob Taft's ticket by 5 percentage points.

Coleman rolled up an easy victory the next year, becoming Columbus' first Democratic mayor in 28 years. He had no GOP opponent in his 2003 re-election campaign.

Republicans have held the governor's office since 1991. Taft easily defeated little-known Democrat Tim Hagan to win re-election in 2002.

Coleman, 50, would bring a formidable campaign to the Democratic ticket, the chairmen of both state parties said. Republican Chairman Bob Bennett acknowledged Coleman's popularity but said the Republican nominee will be able to run a strong campaign should Coleman win the nomination.

The Columbus Dispatch has an exclusive interview:

"I have to stand up,'' Coleman said. "I feel a need, an obligation and frankly a duty to run and it's because our state's in crisis.''

"My family said go for it,'' Coleman said.

The state, facing a potential $5 billion budget shortfall, is adrift and has been failed by Republicans' decade-long control of state government, Coleman said.

"I don't think our state can afford more of the same,'' he said. "It's time for a change.''

Coleman said he would not shy away from a Democratic primary challenge that could come from talk-show host Jerry Springer of Cincinnati, U.S. Rep. Sherrod Brown of Lorain, state Sen. Eric Fingerhut of Cleveland, and former Attorney General Lee Fisher of Shaker Heights.

"My decision to run has not been based on other candidates' decisions,'' he said. "My decision to run is based on my believe[sic] that I have a duty and an obligation to serve, to stand up and not stand by.''

Coleman is a moderate Democrat with limited statewide name recognition. He will need to increase his exposure over the next year. With that said, I expect him to be a strong contender.

More tomorrow.

"Hillary's Husband"

Hillary fainted.

But it was this line that caught my attention.

In September, Clinton's 58-year-old husband underwent quadruple bypass surgery.

The article did not mention her husband by name or title anywhere.

Obviously another step in the moderatization of Hillary.

Kerry's "Warning" Applicable to Democrats

Read the full transcript of Geraldo reporting live on Fox News if you haven't already.

All I know is what I saw with my own eyes. What I saw with my own eyes were the people of this community turning out to vote, turning out in droves....I tell you, the job they did, it's--they've created an environment stable enough so that these people--not only are our GIs heroes, each one of these voters is a hero. Remember what they have been threatened with. Remember what they have endured. Remember the people who have been beheaded. Remember the threats that if you come out today, this is your last warning, you're going to be killed, your family is going to be killed. Well look at them. They're turning out anyway....

It's just amazing....There are the explosions, there's no doubt about it, in the background, the occasional fire, but that's not the news. Yes, it's the news of course, but the real news is that despite everything they are going to cast their ballots. It's incredibly heartwarming....

An exciting day, an historic day here in Iraq. It is the dawn of freedom....You folks who live in the United States who are watching this, just be proud. Be proud of this. This is amazing. This was inconceivable, wasn't it, during the days of Saddam Hussein. Look how far this country has come. It will heal its wounds. The terrorists are going to lose.

The next time you hear somone say the results are not legitimate, that the votes don't count, remember these words. The Iraqi people certainly didn't behave as if they thought their votes were meaningless.

Hopefully, over the next couple of days, the Democrats will realize how hollow and cynical the words of the Kennedy, Kerry, and Boxer coalition sound.

To paraphrase Kerry from Meet the Press this morning, what the Democrats do in the next few days will decide the outcome of the Democratic party for years to come. And this is - not may be - this is the last chance for the Democratic party to get it right.

Hopefully they will realize that we, as Americans, should be working together against a common enemy.

Hopefully.

If not, they will isolate themselves from mainstream America in ways they haven't even dreamed of.

Live from Baghdad

The cable channel HDNet is broadcasting live from the Iraq elections as I write this. No newsmen. No commentators. Just the sights and sounds from the streets. Uncut and uncensored.

What strikes my is how ordinary the scene is. Poll workers registering the voters. Women with children waiting in line. Going to vote behind cardboard boxes. Smiles, conversations, and neighborly greetings.

All juxtaposed with security guards and US infantry men frisking people. An old man describing the increasing violence over the last couple of weeks. Another stating he is not scared, he is proud to help his country take a step in the right direction.

More smiles. More belief. Iraqi flags. Long lines and big crowds.

These are people who believe their actions are making a difference. And they are. Over the next couple of days, it will be interesting how this election will be portrayed.

I expect there will be some who attempt to declare it illegitimate due to low participation rates in parts of the country. To do so would be an absolute insult to the many Iraqi's who risked there lives by coming out to vote. Those who celebrated their next step towards democracy. Those who know their actions are making a difference.

For those in the US who consider waiting in long lines too much of a burden and a form of voter suppression, the Iraqi people are displaying just how valuable the right to vote is. What sacrifices and risks many are willing to take in order to exercise that right - a right many of us take for granted. A right that others of us seek to undermine and discredit. I right that I suspect none of us fully appreciate.

Today is a great day for the Iraqi people. It's also a great opportunity for all Americans to reflect on just how blessed we are.

UPDATE: As predicted, it didn't take long for some to question the legitimacy of the election, despite what appears to be an heroic turnout by the Iraqi people. Even I didn't expect it in a nationally televised interview hours after my initial post.

"It is hard to say that something is legitimate when whole portions of the country can't vote and doesn't vote," Sen. John Kerry (news - web sites), D-Mass., said on NBC's "Meet The Press."

Disgusting is not a harsh enough word.

Sticker Price: $500,000

The Other Paper describes the Bad Boy, a $500,000 street legal vehicle made in Grove City, Ohio that makes a Hummer look "like a small compact car."

What kind of person buys a $500,000 vehicle with a high-tech air-filtration system designed to withstand a biological, nuclear or chemical attack?

"I see people like, you know, Bill Gates will probably get one. I think Arnold Schwarzenegger definitely needs one," Connaughton said. "A lot of basketball stars are going to want to park these in their garages."

And that's not all...

Ayres told Connaughton what he wanted—a luxury vehicle that could withstand a terrorist attack—and Connaughton got to work.

The result is a truck you can drive safely and comfortably as your less-fortunate fellow humans perish right outside your tinted windows.

"You could literally drive through the hot zone," Ayres said.

The truck is equipped with a satellite phone which the driver could use to call for help—if there's anyone left alive to call—and is built so that a helicopter could lift the truck to a safe area, Connaughton said.

But what if guerilla fighters happen to be peppering your tires with machine-gun fire while you're trying to escape? No worries.

The air pressure in the Bad Boy's tires will stay consistent even if there are soda can-sized bullet holes in them, Connaughton said.

The truck was crafted to be driven through up to 5 feet of water, and the engine is capable of working in temperatures ranging from 120 degrees to 50-below.

and then...

The inside of the truck is carpeted and the seats are black leather. The ceiling is mirrored, and features flashing colored lights.

The Bad Boy also has a safe, a joystick-controlled floodlight, an elaborate sound system, a satellite radio, two liquid crystal display screens, a shortwave radio, a satellite phone and a global positioning system.

But is doesn't have everything...

The Bad Boy does have its limitations, however. Unlike the Army's vehicle, the Bad Boys don't have machine guns in their recesses.

"We elected not to offer that to the civilians," Connaughton said. "That could be dangerous, with road rage and all."

Phone Conversation

Me: Hello
Ford Service: Sir, we found the cause of your Check Engine light turning on.
Me: OK.
FS: Dogfood.
Me: What?
FS: Dogfood.
Me: {Silence}
FS: Sir? Do you have a dog?
Me: Yes.
FS: We found dogfood all inside your air duct. About 5 pounds.
Me: What?
FS: About 5 pounds. And they're still finding more and taking it out.
Me: What?
FS: We had to remove the battery to get to all of it. We are going to exceed our original estimate, do you want us to continue?
Me: Cleaning out the dogfood?
FS: Yes. We think a small rodent has been getting in your dogfood and carrying it to the car where it is warm.
Me: 5 pounds?
FS: Yes. That's the only thing we can think of. Do you give us permission to exceed our original estimate?
Me: Yes.
FS: Great, we should be done in about an hour. Good bye.
Me: Bye.

Me: Honey, you aren't going to believe this...

Here's a Ping Pong Punchline for You

In response to DC, who seems to enjoy a good - and I use the term very loosely - ping pong joke without a punchline...

I proudly present the Top 10 Ping Pong Joke Punchlines of all time, jokes not included:

10. He got excited and fell off the table.
9. You can play ping pong without a paddle.
8. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet in the air.
7. A lid.
6. The now satisfied mathematician tosses the ping pong ball aside, sits back down and resumes thinking about his math problems.
5. You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a ping pong table.
4. "Ping Pong, the witch is dead."
3. "Ping pong balls? I thought you said King Kong's balls!"
2. "Bill Cosby, see you Tuesday!"

And finally, just for Julie with a B:
1. They had the volley of the dills.

UPDATE:
Just to be clear, these punchlines are not alternative endings for DC's Ye Olde Ping Pong Ball Joke. They are actual punchlines for 10 separate jokes about Ping Pong balls pulled from the far reaches of the internet.

Included among them are a knock knock joke, a you might be a redneck joke, and obviously the obligatory pun. It's an exercise for the reader to figure out which is which - as well as try to track down the rest of the jokes.

Me Blog Gooder

Stating Me Blog Good, Brian from Cincinnati Blog points out that Cincinnati was rated above average in a recent Men's Health survey rating 101 cities from smartest to dumbest, leaving it to me to point out which city is Ohio's smartest...

Cleveland got a D-plus and just escaped the bottom quarter by ranking 74th out of 101 cities -- between Anchorage, Alaska, and Scottsdale, Ariz.

We [Cleveland] trailed Columbus -- Ohio's "smartest" city, in 19th place with a B-plus -- and Cincinnati (27th, B-minus) and Akron (53rd, C).

For those keeping score, Minneapolis, MN ranked #1 and Fort Wayne, IN ranked #101.

New Ohio License Plates?

Plans for by Ohio officials to begin issuing license plates with a "Choose Life" slogan on them are now up in the air after the US Supreme court let stand a lower court ruling that the plates violated the First Amendment because an equivalent pro-choice plate was not offered.

I never thought the plates were appropriate. I don't think religious or polical views belong on license plates. But that doesn't mean they violate anyone's constitutional rights.

While trying to define where to draw the line, I came up with these new Ohio plates that I think are probably needed to provide a forum for alternate points of view of existing Ohio plates.

Current plate: Cincinnati Bengals
New plate: Cincinnati Bengals Still Suck

Current plate: Cleveland Indians
New plate: Cleveland Native Americans Whose Land the White Man Stole and Abused

Current plate: Celebrate Kids
New plate: Celebrate Birth Control

Current plate: Ducks Unlimited
New plate: Peking Duck Dinners

Current plate: Future Farmers of America
New plate: Future Construction Workers Supporting Urban Scrawl

Current plate: Leader in Flight
New plate: Aviophobiac

Current plate: Ohio Cattlemens Association
New Plate: Vegetarians Unlimited

And of course...
Proposed Plate: Choose Life
Alternative Plate: Choose Death

Holocaust Survivor 1, Deer 0

Not quite sure how a deer gets inside your house, but here's what happens once it does:

"I never, in my mind, was thinking that when my wife was yelling, 'Look it's a big deer in the living room!' ... I couldn't believe it," Tibor said. "I just didn't know what to do."

As Tibor distracted the deer, his wife ran outside and flagged down a passing taxi for help."When that buck was charging on me, and there were 10 antlers close in on my stomach, I don't know where I got the strength, but I guided him to the side with the antlers I was holding," Tibor said.

Tibor said the same inner strength that he found to make it through six years in a Siberian prison camp helped him survive the ordeal with the deer.

Six years in a Siberian prison camp would pretty much put any "ordeal" in perspective.

UPDATE: Redstate.com reports that Tibor is expected to fully recover and should be back home today.

Ohio Town Makes Superbowl Footballs

USA Today traveled to Ada in northwest Ohio to visit the only remaining football factory in the US:

In his trips to eight Super Bowls, Charles Moore has met fans who figure perfect spirals originate with somebody hitting a button: "Some people think you just put leather in a machine and out pops a football."

Hardly. Super Bowl footballs come from workers such as Moore, who used his bare and bandaged hands Monday to twist 600 balls. As a "ball turner," Moore grapples with balls that are inside out, so they can be stitched, and turns them right-side out.

He has had the job for 40 years. Not that it would be easy to take his specialty elsewhere: Every ball used in the NFL, and most used in college and high school games, comes from the Wilson Sporting Goods factory in this town of 5,582.

What's abundantly clear from the article is how manual the process is and how long the average employee has worked at the factory. Of the 5-10 people interviewed for the story, the newest employee started 15 years ago.

I don't think I would last 15 days.

No Moore Osc

Oscar nominations are in, and Fahrenheit 9/11 received zero nominations:

Michael Moore, a 2002 documentary winner for "Bowling for Columbine," missed out on nominations this time with his hit "Fahrenheit 9/11." Moore decided against entering "Fahrenheit 9/11" in the documentary category to boost its prospects for best-picture and other categories, but the film failed to earn any nominations.

Funny, I always thought the decision was made because a film has to have at least some factual basis to be considered a documentary.

Next Target for the RIAA?

The band from Renoldsburg High School, a suburb of Columbus, will pay a $3,300 fine to a British composer:

The marching band used the copyrighted music -- without approval -- last year during its halftime show performances and during various competitions.

"They copied it and didn't buy it," said Richard Ross, district superintendent. "They decided to make it part of (their) program."

Ross said the legal situation is unusual but the band "appears to be in the wrong."

The money to pay for the alleged music swiping will come from the Band Boosters, a parent and community organization that supports the band, Ross said.

OK, I admit it. I'm looking for any excuse not to start talking about the 2006 Ohio gubernatorial race. But as far as distractions go, I kind of liked this one.

Roethlisberger Leads Team to Victory

The Findlay Courier reports...

Carlee Roethlisberger scored a career-high 36 points and grabbed 11 rebounds Friday as she led Findlay High's girls basketball team to a 78-60 Greater Buckeye Conference win over Lima Senior.

Meanwhile, her big brother had a rough game today, although his hometown is still proud of him.

And for anyone who is wondering what Cincinnati thinks for Corey Dillon, this ought to answer that question.

Remember When Doing The Taxes was the Hard Part?

I finally got around to getting my tax software for this year. I browsed through the Sunday flyers and decided to visit the local OfficeMax, which was offering a free cordless phone with the purchase - after rebates of course.

I came home with 6 different boxes and almost $200 charged to my credit card: TaxCut, TaxCut State, H&R Block Deduction Pro, Microsoft Money, Norton AntiVirus, and of course the phone.

My next step: start filling out rebate forms.

After literally two hours of reading fine print, interpreting confusing instructions, and cutting out UPC symbols, box tops, box bottoms, box SIDES, and even the front page of an old user manual, I now need to make six copies of my original sales receipt and mail seven separate rebate forms to get about 90% of my money back.

All this, just to get ready to start my taxes.

And once I file electronically, there will be another rebate that I will have to send in.

Sometimes I need to remind myself that computers are making my life easier.

Refreshing View From Wisconsin

Wendy, from Boots & Sabers, has an open letter for her fellow Wisconsinites:

Now is not the time to quibble about who really won Wisconsin. The results have been certified, and, though it may be small consolation, John Kerry can rest easy knowing that Wisconsin is officially blue. We must make clear that what we are about to do is NOT to try to change 2004, but to ensure that whoever wins the next election is determined by a fair, honest, and incorrupt voting system.

I agree. It's time to move on. In Ohio, Wisconsin, and Washington. The focus should not be on trying to change the election results of the past - even if there is reason to believe they are wrong. But to ensure that such things can't happen in the future, and to restore faith in our electorial system.

Faith in our electorial system is far more important than any single election result. Faith that I believe the Democrats have systematically undermined as a strategic goal over the last 4 years. Nevertheless, restoring this faith is important to all of us, as Americans. And to do so requires letting go of the past, and focusing on the future.

Focusing on the future requires faith in fellow Americans. And this is where I believe Republicans differ from the liberal elite. Compare their response to the election results (apologies to the world, talking down to flyover country, denigrating those with strong religious beliefs) to Wendy's concluding paragraph:

I grew up in Wisconsin. I love this state and the people in it. I like to believe that the people here are the honest, upstanding, freedom-loving sort. They are. Most of them, anyway. But we need to protect ourselves, our way of life, and the integrity of our system. Help me do that. Call or write to your legislator today.

If you have faith in your fellow Americans, you want open and honest elections.

If you worry that maybe you are in the minority - or worse - know you are but still think you're right and the ends justifies the means, you will continue to look for ways to undermine faith in the process. You will continue to focus on the past, instead of taking steps to improve things in the future.

It is time for everyone to have faith in America. It is time to start working on the process improvements for our next election. It is time to take the first step in restoring the faith in our election system that has eroded over the last several election cycles.

Over the next couple of months, it will become clear who has faith in Americans, and who is more interested self serving activities.

It's Like a Train Wreck

I know I shouldn't go over to The Free Press and look, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

The latest is a proposal for Plan B: Parallel Elections & Signed Ballots:

A Parallel Election would be held in tandem with the official election. It could be organized on a precinct, county, or statewide basis. And anyone could do it. It's simple. On Election Day, "parallel election pollworkers" (PEPs) would position themselves outside the polls. They would provide voters with “parallel ballots” to mark and a ballot box in which to cast them. At the end of the day, PEPs would compare their tallies with the official election returns. If the tallies don't match, the election can be challenged.

Oh, it gets better...

But, the really big deal is this... voters would be asked to print their names and addresses and sign their ballots. What's the point? To provide proof. Candidates need hard evidence in order to challenge election results. A signed ballot would act as a voter's affidavit - as direct evidence of the voter's intent.

No selection error issues there.

But what the heck, let's just eliminate the secret ballot period.

The original goal of the secret ballot was to minimize vote selling and voter intimidation. It seemed like a good idea at the time. But, that time has passed.

By this point, you may be thinking the author hadn't considered the downsides of this proposal. You'd be wrong. Of course they were considered.

What are we afraid of? Are we afraid we'd lose our jobs if our employers knew how we voted? That ship has sailed - quite literally. Millions of jobs in America have already been outsourced to foreign countries. It's only going to get worse if we can't boot these lunatics out of office. Are we afraid that some voters will sell their votes? Oh, you mean like our legislators already do? Listen. I wouldn't make vote selling legal, but I wouldn't get my shorts in a twist over it, either. Or, are we afraid to disappoint our friends and family? It's more important not to disappoint yourself.

So there you have it. Parallel elections. The answer to all of our problems. I don't know why I didn't think of it myself.

It Must Have Been All Those Political Ads

The Plain Dealer reports:

Drinkers guzzled 9.4 million gallons of hard booze in 2004, shelling out $571 million and breaking all previous sales records, the Division of Liquor Control in the Ohio Depart- ment of Commerce reported Thursday.

The sales of spirituous liquor, defined by the more than 21 percent alcohol contained in the bottles, topped 2003's record of $536 million by 6.5 percent, or $35 million.

"It's the highest dollar sales the division has ever had," said liquor division spokesman Matt Mullins.

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

This is not for the squeamish.